Werewolf Movies to Avoid


There have been some great werewolf movies: the original Wolfman (although I do like the Benicio Del Toro remake, at least on Blu-Ray, where the added scenes flesh it out a bit more), An American Werewolf in London, Ginger Snaps, The Howling, and Dog Soldiers. The special effects on some of these are a bit dated, but the stories and characters are solid.

Then there are these pieces of shit.

(Disclaimer: I haven’t watched these, save for clips. I can’t bear to. 90 seconds was enough. Check them out on YouTube if you must, but I am not responsible for any lowering of your IQ.)

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Werewolf in a Woman’s Prison – Ah, that rare movie that tells you both what it’s about, and why to avoid it. Pat on the back for not using cheesy computer animation (SyFy Channel, ahem) and instead using a cheesy Party City werewolf costume.

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Night Shadow – Hey, remember Kato Kaelin? Wish you didn’t? He’s in this movie! According to Amazon, this shitty piece of shit is about a mass-murdering werewolf on the trail of a journalist, and her scorned lover-sheriff pal is the only one who can save her. Hope he fails.

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Project: Metalbeast – Scientists want to develop a formula that makes human skin impervious to bullets and crap like that. They test the formula on a dude who’s been put into suspended animation. But wait, the dude’s a werewolf! Hilarity ensues.

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Nympho Werewolf – Why, God?

Such a fantastically craptacular abomination of celluloid that I couldn’t even find a picture on the Internet, and you can anything on the Internet, including live-action American Dad porn.

(Don’t ask.)

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My Mom’s a Werewolf – I hope she eats you, then.

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Werewolves on Wheels – Ugh, I’m getting sick of this. What the hell is this one about? Oh, right. Biker gang crosses paths with satanic monks. One of their old ladies gets hit with a werewolf curse. Blah blah blah.

(Weirdly though, I kinda want that movie poster.)

 

All right, enough. I feel like crying. Horrible, horrible movies. Excuse me while I go watch An American Werewolf in London. 

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3 thoughts on “Werewolf Movies to Avoid

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  1. I have to admit that I like “My Mom’s a Werewolf” simply for the bad Limburger cheese of it all. Otherwise, if I didn’t see this when I was younger, I would’ve hated it. Blame my nostalgic filter!

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